From The Deske Of Thomas Entwhystle, Acquisitions Wordsmith, Caxton & Companie, London.
To: William Shakesper, Stratford-On-Avon
Deare Master Shakesper:
Thee flatters us with kyndness in proposing that Caxton & Companie publish thy playe “Romero & Joliet” in parchment back form, but hold and alas, we believe it doth not suiteth our needes at this tyme.
As thou knoweth, Caxton & Companie printeth Holy Scipture and sundry how-toeth bookes, such as our “Flogging Penitents & Papists For Funne And Proffit” and “Grist-Milling For Dummies,” and we have prayerfull hopes that our lord Sir Francis Bacon will bless our modeste press with his work-in-progress, “Hamlet And Egglet, A Storie of Star-crossed Lovers From The Houses Of Montague & Capulet In Old Verona, which, if thou will forgiveth me for saying, thy “Romero & Joliet” doth resemble in stylle and mannerr.
I remain thy obedient servant,
Thomas Entwhystle
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My Lord Thomas:
May the gods cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war to pisseth on thy leg! Bacon is a hacke and a blackguard and you, sir, deserveth a plague on your house for printing such a foulle stinker as he! He hath absconded with treachery my Romero & Joliet! I would rather be flogged by hags than be renown as a companion in prose to this villainous serpent, this scribbling snatchbottom and scuttling crab louse on the bearded arse of ill fame! I shall never dark on your door again! I exeunt, stage left!
WS
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Deare William:
Perhaps we can reach some happy accord? Caxton & Companie are hostinge and wyne and cheese pageant Tuesday weeke. May we expect thee to honor us with thy gracious presence?
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My Lord Thomas:
Fucketh thou.
WS
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Some correspondents writeth:
Did you know Shakespeare used to have lunch by the Avon river, in a burger joint called McDuff? He used to have the King size one, with a large portion of fries -- Gerard
See? Nothing new under the sunne. MB
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Scribbling snatchbottom rocks. I will try to remember to use it in chat this week. Useth, I mean. -- Shag
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Maybe I'll copy old Will for my rejections......not bad company....heehe -- Canids
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Thou art brilliant! -- Ladye Shannon
I blusheth -- MB
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What a hilarious work of yours, Mike! You slay me, truly. -- Amanda
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Question (since I'm away from dictionary) ~ what does sybarite mean? -- Thea
I had to look it up. Means someone from Sybaria, an ancient Greek colony in Italy known as the Las Vegas/Tijuana of its day. Sybarites were given to pleasurable excesses, like, oh, eating too much popcorn and trying to invent chocolate, since it hadn’t been imported from the New World yet. -- MB
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IS THIS THY OWN WORKE? Faith, but thou doest become funnier with each passing yeare -- Sum
Aye, 'tis mine own poor offering on the altar of ink-stained wretchedness. -- MB
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“I would rather be flogged by hags than be renown as a companion in prose to this villainous serpent”…. Ya know, I’m just LOOKING for an opportunity to use this quote -- Lynda
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I will send this with my chuckles to a man I visited for a week a few years ago in California - one of the few I have met from online. He has been a Shakepearean actor his entire adult life and performs regularly at Ojai in many productions. He knows all of Shakepeare's plays by heart and will have a laugh at your contribution. Thanks. -- Zoey
Don’t mistake his gagging noise for a chuckle -- MB
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Vanity, all is vanity. You left out, "I shall stabbeth thee behind thy arras, ye rump-fed ronyon." -- Wasabi
I’m claiming rump-fed ronyon. MB
