A Suspicious Character

Two beefcake security guards yanked the plastic cooler out of my hands, slapped some handcuffs on my wrists, hustled me off to a small room and plunked me down on a folding chair.

“Did you call the bomb squad?” one of them asked his partner.

“Not yet. Should we?”

“Let’s have a look first. Check his ID.”

One of them pulled me upright by my collar and fished my wallet out of my hip pocket.

“Best fake ID I’ve ever seen.  Got the state seal hologram and everything.  Even looks like him.”

I asked what this was all about.

“Shaddap!  If we want any crap out of you we’ll tighten your shoelaces!”

So I shaddap while they carefully set my plastic cooler on the floor and slowwwwwly removed the cover.

“Hmmm. Looks like a tuna sandwich, a bottle of Gatorade, a bag of Cheetos and a box of Junior Mints.”

“Well, that’s better than that gawdawful smelly curry that dark guy was packing yesterday.  Think this stuff could be bomb components?  I don’t see no wires.”

“Ya never know.  Don’t forget the Potroast Bomber Of Poughkeepsie that was all over the news last week.  He had one of them printed circuits under the sliced potatoes and carrots. Turned out to be an old hearing aid that somehow fell in the stew, but you can’t be too careful.”

Again I asked what this was all about. This time I got an almost civil answer.

“Listen, bub. You match the profile of the Angry Old White Male, right down to your bifocals, bald head, black socks and Birkenstocks.”

“Well, he’s clean,” the other guard said, sounding disappointed.

His partner removed the cuffs and jabbed a finger in my chest.  “Be more careful next time. What were you doing at a Little League game anyway?  You got a grandkid here or something?”

No, I just happened by and needed a place to sit down for awhile.

“Well, you’re lucky we got to you first. Them Little League moms woulda torn you to pieces.”

Since then I've been trying to remember who said "Those who give up civil liberties for security lose both." 

I don't like pot roast either.

* * *

...And so you said:

I wouldn't trust a person that doesn't like pot roast.  -- Ldy

Well, it's okay if I can put teriyaki sauce on it.  MB

Keep writing Mikeee. You are awesome -- Canids

Aww, you say that to all the produce.

Mike I always enjoy your mind and the pictures you paint in my mind with your words. maybe we can have a little feminine nudity and a few snickers in the near future?

Loved the relationship/comparison to the police profiling that happens in this world today and how it does not work. Used to when one was pulled over we were asked politely for a registration, proof of insurance and a valid drivers license. You may have a ticket coming but it was done with politeness unless you became a asshole, and then the cops revenge was to be nicer and write you more tickets.

Now a Command Voice is used on you and a command to place your hands on the steering wheel while your approached With Hand on Weapon to intimidate you.  Yes I know it's a different world today and society as a whole is under attack, but still  the police are not our representatives/protectors and servants, they are our keepers and have joined Washington in the attitude that they are above us as a class and do not have to live by the same rules and laws we do.

Not Sure whats really happening, but Amy, myself and our children are striving to find the America we used to know.  We are seeking a small town atmosphere on a lake, and we think we have success in Oklahoma in a Cherokee environment.

Mike, Ole Bud, thanks for the grins and giggles on the 2nd story and have a great day.  On June 1 we are floating from Quad Cities to New Orleans on the Mighty Miss in canoes and Kayaks , 96 miles a day 11 days .. Dont just grow old , have fun doing it The Boomers arent dead yet we just arent noticed any more! -- Nick and Misses Nick "aka My Amy"

”Those Who Sacrifice Liberty For Security Deserve Neither.” -- Benjamin Franklin

Above quote provided by CDB. Thank you.

“If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and the irony of it is, if it is comfort or money it values more, it will lose that, too.“ W. Somerset Maugham

I have this framed on my office wall at home. Good work, as usual, my friend. Thanks. -- Tom

Thanks for the good stuff to read. About every few weeks I get to thinking I ought to find a good book to read, maybe even some short stories - which I write a lot of and like when I find one, too. Sometimes a Reader's Digest falls into my hands at the dentist's office, but since I don't go to the dentist but once a year or so, that really doesn't work all that well. So, every so often I get a piece of mail from Mike. Ah, there it is. A little humor, some wry comments, something thoughtful about life or people or something ordinary that is written in just such a way as to hold my interest, make me smile, make me think, make me enjoy. Thanks again, Mike. It's always good. Stay well. - Zoey

You are a bright spot in my day.  Keep going.  And quit deleting the luv ya. -- Carol

Hysterical. -- Mary Pat

Do they really think a man in black socks and Birkenstocks would do something even remotely evil?  I find that hard to believe. But keep writing. I'll believe anything you write (cough) -- Linda B

Yes, I do.  Committing a fashion felony, for openers. MB

Mike, thank you for sending the T Times. Wonderful as always -- Liv.

This is a sad statement about our society. Too many police are acting like every citizen they deal with is a terrorist or at least criminal. Every city has a SWAT team, usually financed by the feds and this is designed so that the cities will do the their bidding.

The people who founded this country were explicit about just this eventuality and tried to write our Constitution to prevent it. It appears our duly elected officials in Washington are doing everything in their power to circumvent these safeguards.

It's a sad state of affairs and one day maybe the human race will learn to deal with our shortcomings without resorting to force. -- Wht

Ok, now that we've read the script, we want to see the film, or the cartoon, rather! -- Gerard

I like the humor in this story. -- Ken

LOL Tomatomike. a BIG THANKS ONCE AGAIN!!.. for letting my imagination run free and wild! Hearts and Thoughts -- Pirate

Was this true???? -- Lynda

No. I like pot roast.