“Well,
well, well,” Ocean sneered. “Look who's here. The ungrateful
little wretch I carried all the way to Asia without drowning when he was a young
ungrateful little wretch. I even threw in a pair of dolphins to show
the way, otherwise that fat gray tub in which he was riding would
have gotten as lost as Columbus did, the ninny.”
“Hello
Ocean. Nice to see you too. Killed any Japanese lately?”
“Try, just this once, not to be a smartass,” Ocean said with an exasperated sigh. “They
knew they were in tsunami country when they built their flimsy bamboo
houses right smack on the beach. Too tempting a target. Same with
that lunatic nuclear reactor that I swamped to show them the error of
their ways. But never mind that. What brings you to my shore, you
aged ex-sailor boy you? Got a death wish?”
“Not
today, but thanks for offering. Besides, you'll recall that I'm
descended from Norwegian sailors and the seagoing Native Americans of
Southeastern Alaska. So my fatal attraction to you is genetic.”
“Oh
yeah, the sardine eaters and foul tempered canoe jockeys with
hyphenated names. So, you moved here because your wretched
landlubber's heart is filled with love for little ol' me? I'm
flattered right down to my tide pools, dearie me.”
“You
do have your good moments. After all, Balboa named you Pacific, or
peaceful..”
“Yeah,
that was before I smacked him around some. Then Pizarro came along
and accused him of some made up charges, and Balboa lost his head
back in Spain. See? No good deed goes unpunished.”
“Oh? Since when are you such a moralist? And with a cliché at that. Tsk
tsk.”
“Moi? A moralist? Perish the thought, laddie buck. And keep your girlish
tsks to yourself. If the headsman's ax or the lousy medieval mutton
and pork diet hadn't nailed Balboa, I might've. Moralist? It is to
laugh. Ha ha. After all, I got Magellan.”
“Beg
to differ, Ocean. Filipino warriors killed Magellan. Maybe they
thought he was an evil spirit, or maybe he groped someone's sister.”
“Yeah,
well, let's get back on point here, kiddo. So what brings you to my
fair shores?”
“Some
friends who thought I'd be better off in closer proximity to you, for
some reason, rather than slowly baking amid the pesticide ridden
fields and the furnace heat of the Sacramento Valley in summer.
“Ha!”
barked Ocean. “And will you stroll my shore with your 'trousers
rolled,' like T.S. Eliot's J. Alfred Prufrock?”
“Oh
probably. I'll even dare to eat a peach, like Prufrock didn't.”
“Fine,”
Ocean said. “Just don't spit peach pits in my waves. Don't pee in them when wading either, even with your trousers rolled."
“Don't tempt me."
"Don't provoke me."
"Deal," I said, and ate a peach.
Comments, critiques, corrections -- maybe cash -- are welcome: tomatomike@aol.com
I hope you kept your pit and your, well, you know, in your pants. -- Beaty
You're no fun. MB
_____
Question, why is FOX news so bad? Is it because they lean toward the Republican side or am I wrong on that? -- CM
Fox boss Roger Ailes was the head honcho on the Nixon, Reagan, and both Bushes presidential campaigns. He adopted the motto "fair and balanced," when making the Fox network a megaphone for conservative values, even though its broadcasts are neither fair nor balanced. The slogan has succeeded in constipating liberals and making them grind their teeth in their sleep, as Mr. Ailes intended. MB
"Don't provoke me."
"Deal," I said, and ate a peach.
-o-
Very funny! -- Shannon
_____
I hope you kept your pit and your, well, you know, in your pants. -- Beaty
You're no fun. MB
_____
Question, why is FOX news so bad? Is it because they lean toward the Republican side or am I wrong on that? -- CM
Fox boss Roger Ailes was the head honcho on the Nixon, Reagan, and both Bushes presidential campaigns. He adopted the motto "fair and balanced," when making the Fox network a megaphone for conservative values, even though its broadcasts are neither fair nor balanced. The slogan has succeeded in constipating liberals and making them grind their teeth in their sleep, as Mr. Ailes intended. MB
