It’s about time! At last, a powerful beacon of conservative reason is illuminating the rocks and shoals of corrupt left wing immorality!
I am referring to Rep. Bob Morris (R-Indiana) and his shocking disclosure that those commie pinko Girl Scouts of America are in league with the dark forces of that spawn of Satan, Planned Parenthood, in promoting homosexuality and abortion on demand.
Right thinking Americans have suspected as much for years. “Take those cookies, for example,” said a spokesman for the George W. Bush Liberty And Literacy Foundation, “they are a gateway cookie that could tragically lead to a birth control or morning after pill addiction. We’d then have to divert tax revenues from defense and into addiction recovery programs, which could even lead to financing godless projects like stem cell research.”
As for homosexuality and abortion, the parent of a 12-year-old Girl Scout in Sacramento, California, reported that her daughter summed up, in one word, the consistently uniform sentiments of her pre-teen peers regarding those issues: “Ewwwwwww!” I don’t think Rep. Morris need lose too much sleep over that one.
And what about the Girl Scouts’ connection with Planned Parenthood and its sinister agenda? Well, in 2004, the Blue Bonnet Council of the Girl Scouts in Waco, Texas, endorsed a Planned Parenthood education event without donating money or sending a Girl Scout to hand out pamphlets. Even so, the right thinking citizens of Waco boycotted Girl Scout cookies and formed their own scouting organization, American Heritage Girls. However, their kneejerk commie liberal neighbors retaliated and bought a record amount of mints, samoas and tagalongs, no doubt sending the cookies to their Communist masters in Albania, North Korea, or worse, California.
I had my own brush with the Fascist tactics of Girl Scout storm troopers when I was registering voters in 2010. I was stationed at a supermarket entrance with registration forms on a small table, two folding chairs, and wearing a pleasant expression when a carload of green uniformed Girl Scouts swarmed the place, unpacked their cookies, and began ambushing shoppers like snipers. Of course the little wretches charmed the bejabbers out of everyone, except me, I moved to a different location, only to be told that the Green Pestilence had infected every frapping supermarket in town.
I called the boss about my predicament. “I know, I know,” he said. “They’re everywhere. Do the best you can.”
So, I set up my little operation at a supermarket near my place for a quick getaway, and yes, the little sugar merchants were there, too. If fact, I thought maybe I was in a bad mood because my blood sugar was low. So I bought some thin mints from The Enemy and felt just fine after eating six or maybe a dozen cookies.
Maybe Rep. Morris should do the same. Might give him the strength to combat other Communist threats, like the Visiting Nurses Association and those collective agriculturalists in the radical wing of 4-H. Imagine babies being fed milk from commie cows that graze on grassy knolls! The mind reels!
Comments?
I'm going "armed" to Publix, as soon as I can find a "cookie shooter." Will let you know how the Scouts vs the consumers fracas turns out. You're an inspiration, as always. - Linda B
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I took the liberty of posting this piece on my facebook page--great job! -- Bgrant
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That was wonderful. I haven't laughed so hard in ages. You really pointed a finger (not saying which finger) at the fear based over-culture of our country. Honestly this piece of work should be in the Washington Post and NY Times. -- Mary Pat
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I have 3 boxes coming today -- Lynda
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Poor Tomatoman....You are clever and witty, but you are also a useful idiot of the left. Anyone can twist anything into a tale of stupidity, which you do in fine fashion. Politics are not your bag. I am all for Planned Parenthood, they keep crime down. Don't need to pretend they are all about women's rights. -- Placebodomingo
The political right needs no assistance in fostering stupidity. MB
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You said what needed to be said and ably. I am a former Girl Scout, and this news story made me wish I could rip my Orienteering, Sewing, Abortion, and Cooking badges off my old uniform. I left scouting before obtaining my Lesbian badge, a regret to this day, as it would have greatly expanded the available dating pool now...women live longer. Thanks for another fun read, Mike. -- Linda
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HAHAHAH man yah too much - I love the angle you took in dealing with these people to the right of Darth Vader and their absurd logic nonlogic. Send me more ! -- Goxando
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Mike - this one should be a national editorial. Your best!! -- Diane
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Great piece, Mike. Those girl scout racketeers need to be exposed. -- Sunne
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I'm amazed - and really shouldn't be - that just when I think maybe somebody out there in Twisted Politician Land has a forward-thinking, prioritized-rationally, sensible comment to make backed up by a plan that actually makes sense, something like the Satan and Girl Scout Cookies surfaces as a topic of "important" conversation. Heh...I chuckled at your piece knowing you have it figured out as well.
I happen to think that the government should keep its rather sticky fingers out of my vagina and anyone else's as well, and as for Girl Scout Cookies....I really could eat a dozen of those chocolate covered mint ones at a sitting. You can't tell me that politicians across this land have not consumed those overpriced little morsels themselves under the cover of Darkness. Fun piece. Always entertaining. -- Zoey
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Hahahahahah!!!!!!! You're such a great writer, Mike. These things need to be in national syndication as a weekly column written by you, in the very LEAST. (yikes, are they?) Well, and of course, books, films, you have all the talent to be an Oscar Winner if you like..sharing this stuff with me is like having Spielberg call me up to say, how you doin? Great work. -- Amanda
Your check is in the mail -- MB
