Happy Holidays, dammit

Okay, look I'm not a fan of Christmas and after having been a radio d.j. for more years than was healthy, I'm even less of a fan of Christmas music.  But there's always an exception.  In my case, a connection.  Two of them; both connected to this very recording:

Yes, this is a clickable link.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas singers unlimited - YouTube

Other songs follow the above, some seasonal, some not.  Some good, others, well...

This group started in the 50s as jazz vocalists known as The Hi-Los.  Later they were billed as The J's with Jamie, and finally became known by the late 60s as the Singers Unlimited, mostly doing advertising jingles. The basso of the group is the Ho Ho Ho guy in the Green Giant commercial.

Anyway, back to the story.

In 1967, the financial backer and producer of the Singers Unlimted, whose name I've forgotten, visited his friend Dean Elliot, the chief engineer, musicologist, polyglot linguist and my mentor at a radio station on California's north coast.  He brought the master recording of the above cited album and played it for us. I was captivated and slack jawed with awe over the sound quality.

So I was one of the first, if not the first, to put it on the air.  In Eureka, pop. 28,000.  Not exactly a Number One With A Bullet market, but one that appreciated the good stuff, and the album is the good stuff.

Fast forward to Sacramento airport at Christmastime in 1985.  I'm waiting in a long slowly moving line of holiday travelers at the United Airlines counter, shuffling along next to a college age girl.  Okay, young woman.  Ah hell,  I'm too damned old to be P.C.

Okay, so the YW and I get to chatting.  Turns out she's a music major at the University of the Pacific in nearby Stockton. The subject of Christmas music comes up.  I mention that I was former disc jockey who was not fond of the genre, but said one of the finest Christmas albums I'd ever heard was by a group called The Singers Unlimited.

Then she looked at me.  It was her turn to be slack jawed.  "I have the album right here," she eventually said, tapping her backpack on the floor with a sneakered foot.  "My dad is the lead singer." 

Once again the words of Jim McCulla of KABC and my radio guru from years ago, came to mind:  "You never know who you're talking to."

True enough.  Now I am not a very big person.  So, this time of year you should be especially nice to not-very-big-persons.  One of us could be one of Santa's elves who is not a disgruntled ex-employee, but one who's been delegated to making a list and checking it twice.  (Has anyone actually seen a gruntled ex-employee?  Just wondering.)

Or if the elf you encounter at an airport really is a disgruntled ex-employee, he/she may have a bomb in a pointy shoe.  Or maybe a recording that will give you a fresh perspective. So be nice.


Comments?

Mike, great news that you'll be okay for the foreseeable future.  There's that.The rest of your Tomatoman Times is fascinating to the point of fooling me into thinking I am with you during these experiences, at times. You dasn't keel over on any of us. We never change, Mike, only our bodies do.  And only  the way we find avenues of survival.  Kudos to you for your tenacity and the wit which has obviously seen you through some extremely challenging insults! – Amanda

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It has been awhile since I have had the pleasure of reading “The Tomatoman Times”.  You always manage to put a very big smile on my face.  I am VERY happy your test came back okay.  Those of us that have smoked or tasted the occasional drinky always worry about the adverse reactions our bodies my throw at us.  Stay well.  – Carol M.

In response to Senator McCaskill

In response to the comments of  Senator Claire McCaskill (D-Missouri) suggesting that men shut up regarding womens' issues, I thought I'd revisit a T-Times post I sent in March, a futuristic piece entitled "When Womyn Rule America."  Who knows?  It might be a better world.  Then again, maybe not.  Just ask an Arab about former Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir or a Pakistani about Indira Gandhi.

The following is a likely transcript from of the House Subcommittee On Equal Rights in the not-so-distant future. The issues under discussion are two political hot potatoes: One would give men the right to vote. The other is even more radical. It would allow men to sit anywhere they want on public transportation and not restrict them to the back of the bus. The committee chairwomyn is Rep. Shulamith Firestone Franklin Fonda (Republicrat - Womynnesota). 

Chairwomyn: The chair recognizes our esteemed sister, Congresswomyn Gloria Peterbilt, who has a martyr’s burden of representing that wishy washy, fence-straddling, knee jerking, testosterone polluted state of Calipornia. I suppose you’re going to play devil’s advocate?

Rep. Peterbilt: Well, the voting rights thingy is a non-issue in my house. The male unit will vote the way I tell him to vote, and anyway, the only things he reads are recipes, horoscopes and fashion tips. Anything else, especially something as complicated as a ballot measure, is just beyond the little dear. But isn’t it about time we allowed male units unrestricted seating on public transportation?

Chairwomyn: What for? So they can plunk their brutish bodies down anywhere they want on the bus? Don’t be absurd. Just because you don’t care who violates your sacred space, think of how your mother would feel, or your daughter, for Goddess’s sake, if some hairy lout reeking of Aqua Velva presumed to be so…so….uppity…as to actually sit next to her innocent flowering Sheness! The mind reels!

Rep. Peterbilt: Yes, I can see where that might be troublesome for some unenlightened souls, but a properly trained male unit would never presume to sit just anywhere on a bus if the back wasn’t already overflowing with nattering giggling male units.

Chairwomyn (sighing): I know, I know. They get really annoying in a group. That’s why I stopped my male unit from having Schtupperwear and clingerie parties at our house. All those chubby male bodies stuffed into Speedos like cheese blintzes, cooing over plastic food containers. Worse, they whine about their personal circumstances. How we don’t understand them. How don’t care about their needs. How we expect them to have sex at what they consider inopportune times, like at a funeral or on a windswept beach in the rain. Hell, a little wet sand up their butts may have a cleansing effect, so what’s the problem?

Rep Peterbilt: Excuse me, Madam Chairwomyn, but we were discussing voting rights and public transportation. There are political and social reasons why we should allow male units voting rights and equal seating under the law.

Chairwomyn: Oh for Minerva’s sake, what the hell are they?

Rep. Peterbilt: As for the voter franchise, the political reason is voter apathy with absentee ballots mailed prior to primary elections. Many indifferent womyn just turn the ballot over to the male unit like a Sudoko card and allow him to mark it up with a Crayola. I mean, they are already de facto voting anyway. Why not register them in the hope that they may create a landslide mandate when directed by their womyn? Two votes for the price of one. And maybe they’ll feel responsible enough to stop marking ballots with crayons.

Chairwomyn: I know. Makes the ballot boxes all waxy. Still, we’re working on some attack ads showing the effects of male units being allowed even a sub rosa voice in the outcome of national elections. Unrestricted seating on buses is just for openers. Soon they’ll protest being required to sit in theater balconies. Who knows? They may even insist on having their brainless entertainment legally broadcast on national television. Imagine having a nice weekend ruined with games of baseballs or footballs blaring out of your TV. Anyway, what’s the social reason for giving male units the vote?

Rep. Peterbilt: A declining birthrate among the desirable demographics

.

Chairwomyn: You mean eligible voters not on public assistance. Go on.

Rep. Peterbilt: My staff is seeing an alarming trend. An increasing number of my constituents write that their male units get sulky during womyn’s estrus cycles and refuse to sleep with them. Instead of getting in bed, their male units curl up in tight little balls on couches, like armadillos, and cry all night about not being treated as equals. That includes open seating on buses and being able to vote.

Chairwomyn: Well, have your constituents tried distracting their male units away from substantive issues with chocolates and new shoes?

Rep. Peterbilt: Many reported doing both. Didn’t work. They think chocolates make their butts look big. That made them whinier than ever. As for new shoes, have you tried shopping for shoes with your male unit? They can never make up their minds. They try on everything in the store on before settling on a pair of pumps they could’ve picked up at a factory outlet for half the price.

Chairwomyn: Okay, so how will giving male units equal seating on the bus, not to mention the vote, arrest the decline of the retail shoe market and benefit womynkind?

Rep. Peterbilt: It would be the first step, so to speak, in giving them full citizenship under the law.

Chairwomyn: What the hell for? Look, if we give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. Everyone knows that all male units are good for is spending money and being decorative. Other than that, the little dears are just plain useless. They can’t even take out the trash or kill a spider in the bathtub. One other thing, if you care to hear about a really alarming consequence of giving male units the vote

.

Rep. Peterbilt: And what would that be?

Chairwomyn: Male units in Congress, that’s what! How does that grab you?

Rep. Peterbilt: Oh nonsense. That would never happen. Never

.

Chairwomyn: Oh? And why, by all that’s holy in the name of Athena, not?

Rep. Peterbilt: Well, even equality has it limits.

Chairwomyn: Don’t count on it!. They may even try to put a male unit in the White House! Imagine that!

Rep. Peterbilt: Oh please, Madame Chairwomyn, I mean really! Surely, even in the great state of Womynnesota, you’ve heard the word “ninny”?

Chairwomyn: I have. Usually applied to misguided Calipornians. I say we table this issue and let it die in the Rules Committee, along with that lunatic balanced budget and arms reduction bill. Let’s move on. What’s the next agenda item?  

-o0o-