Well, goody. California voters rejected a ballot proposition at the polls Monday to increase the state cigarette tax to a $1.87 a pack. Even the mighty Los Angeles Times editorialized against the measure, stating the skim would not be spent to help decrease California’s umptajillion dollar state budget shortfall. But, according to the Associated Press, the victory for unrepentant smokers was less than one percentage point, giving the nicotine vigilantes all kinds of encouragement to continue being pains in the buns come the November election. Here’s one:
"This came so close, I think this is worth another try," said Stan Glantz of the University of California's Center for Tobacco Control Research:. "I think it would be horrible if Philip Morris and Reynolds get away with this."
Or, in the words of former Governor Swartzenmuscles, “I’ll be back.”
Seems the anti-smoking bunch have been hammering away since 1492, according to one of their web sites, http://www.stopsmokingsacramento.com/info.html:
"On October 12, 1492, Christopher Columbus was given dry leaves by the Arawaks, but threw them away. Rodrigo de Jerez and Luis de Torres were the first Europeans to observe smoking, and Jerez became the first recorded smoker outside the Americas. Throughout the 16th century, the habit of smoking was common mainly among sailors. Tobacco was introduced to England in the 1560s by the crew of Sir John Hawkins but did not begin making an impact on European society until the 1580s
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"As the use of tobacco became popular in Europe, some people became concerned about its possible ill effects on the health of its users. One of the first was King James I of England. In 1604, he wrote A Counterblast to Tobacco in which he asked his subjects:
'Have you not reason then to be ashamed, and to forbeare this filthie noveltie, so basely grounded, so foolishly received and so grossly mistaken in the right use thereof? In your abuse thereof sinning against God, harming your selves both in persons and goods, and raking also thereby the markes and notes of vanitie upon you: by the custome thereof making your selves to be wondered at by all forraine civil Nations, and by all strangers that come among you, to be scorned and contemned. A custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the Nose, harmefull to the brain, dangerous to the Lungs, and in the blacke stinking fume thereof, neerest resembling the horrible Stigian smoke of the pit that is bottomless.'”
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Well, I had abundant notes of vanitie that kept me from quitting this filthie noveltie. I was not the least bit ashamed to be a walking air polluter. But I must admit that smokers have become latter day lepers. As far as the Health Nut Axis is concerned, smokers should be forced to wear black shrouds, clang handbells and shout “Unclean! Unclean!” when venturing forth in public.
Social pressures aside, I’m gonna give quitting another shot. I’m tired of hearing my lungs whistle “Dixie” and running out of breath on a walk to the mailbox. Plus I could use the extra $150 or so a month I was spending on smokes for more healthful pursuits, like skydiving. Plenty of fresh air and some really swell views. I’ll also have more moolah for a trip I’m taking to Alaska next month, courtesy of some relatives in Juneau. Maybe I can avoid the embarrassment of having wheezing fits at their dinner table.
Comments, Critiques & Snarky Asides:
You are so funny. I wish we had never lost touch for all the years past. If you can quit, that would be wonderful. I'm afraid that I will mostly likely quit when the last breath arrives. Have a great time in Alaska. Stay safe.-- Carol
Carol and I were neighbors during the Eisenhower administration. We're now coughing our way through our Medicare years.
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Gee. Thanks for writing one (it seems) just for me. You should send this to my Doctors. It would give them more fodder for my torture. Guess I really, really have to join you in quitting. Have a blast in Alaska. Glad you're writing again. Keep up the good fight. -- Penny
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Mater man....you must be the valedictorian of veggies. Know that you have dear friends wishing you well in all ways, and if you do get to Seattle, you'd best take a side-trip to see RJ and I -- Canids
Aww, wish I could, but I’ll be in Seattle only long enough to change planes and maybe have an airport Cinnabon.
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Good luck. Save your money for a trip to Seattle -- Tammy
Okay. Next trip I’ll allot enough time for us to get rowdy on industrial grade coffee and get kicked out of Starbuck’s together.
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The chanters should follow, the "unthin, the unthin." obese people. I believe diabetes has overtaken the ills of the still smoking smokers. Good luck. I can't hear my breath yet. When I can, I may join you. Glad to see your return. -- Linda B
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My Detroit brother-in-law was just here with my sister for a family gathering. I never thought this guy would quit smoking. But he is taking Chantix, and was about at day 40 when here, still drinking his Scotch, tolerating my wife's Benson & Hedges smoke and casino floor smoke very well, and he never lit up. I enjoyed the quote from King James I of England, VI of Scotland. I seem to recall having seen it before, but totally forgot it was his. I've read other stuff he wrote, and it is in the same style. -- Trog.
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Thank you...glad to see the Tomatoman Times again!! -- Anne G.
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Glad to see you are still writing, and hope you have fun in Alaska! -- Eve
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Well, I have a friend now who is fifty, and he has smoked for 34 years. He has a raspy, ragged voice, coughs continually, can't sleep long at night because he is programmed to wake up and smoke. He lights up the moment he wakes in the morning, and he smokes several cigarettes right before he goes to bed. He smokes on average three to four cigarettes every hour he is awake, and spends well over $400 dollars a month on them. Everything on and around him smells like smoke - his hair, his beard, his clothes, his hands, every room in his house, his cars. even the food he cooks His nose runs, his sinuses are a mess, and his throat is constantly bothering him. He knows he's going to die sooner than he would have to because of it, and even with all of these reasons to quit, he says he can't. He can't muster the strength to even slow down. He is resigned. Mike, if there is any way in hell you can quit, do it. -- Zoey
Seems familiar, Zoey. Too familiar.
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Ah me boyo, I wish you luck and if you figure out how to put down the fags....please let me know. The other night I was laying in bed and thought sheesh the dog sounds congested...then I realized it was me. So I did the obvious, I got up lit a butt and thought about how I should work on stopping this habit. You know James the 1st was a Scot, so he was only thinking of the wasted cost...nothing else...he lied with the other stuff. -- Mary Pat
I’m sucking on 4 mg nicotine tablets like they’re Emily Proctor’s toes. It’s either that or buy a deer rifle and find a rooftop.
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Hello Mike Ole Online Buddy, glad you’re back, thought your were dead or dying. Will look forward to reading your stuff tonite Have a fantastic day -- Nick
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Bless you - my son! And good luck. -- Diane and Lowell
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Funniest one ever! -- Jim
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Love it!! -- Julisari
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Show off! -- ZipLaPrune
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That was great – very entertaining. I’m quitting on July 10th. Want to join me? -- Sandy
Can you put it off until after I leave? Only one set of short-fused withdrawal symptoms per family is permitted. I’d like to return uninjured. (Sandy is my karate expert cousin I’ll be visiting in Juneau.)
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I enjoyed your essay and wish you good luck in quitting smoking. I told my son today that if I had lost weight years ago, I might not have type 2 diabetes today. I have lost about 30 pounds and want to lose 20 more. I enjoyed the humor in this essay. I have enjoyed writing a newspaper column four times a year for free. You once told me about a web site that paid me $50 for a paragraph that I wrote. I hope that we both live a long life. I will be 70 in October. Or at least my goal is to be 70. -- Ken
Same here.
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Glad to see you in print once again. Good luck on the smokeless life, and I am not being sarcastic, really, I wish you all the best in that particular endeavor my dear. Are you really going to Alaska? -- Lynda
Yup. Leave Tuesday for a week in Juneau as the guest of my cousins. Gonna be a blast! (Lynda is a writing buddy of over 20 years standing who worked in Alaska’s Denali National Park and drove a cab in the very tough city of Anchorage. She is also a former freelance birthday clown who got stopped by a traffic cop when in costume and face paint, running late to a birthday party. She only got a warning, “I just can’t give a ticket to a clown,” the cop said. Had that been me, I would’ve been spread-eagled on the pavement for looking like John Wayne Gacy.)
